Tales · from · the · Punchbowl.

Holy shit, tomorrow is my last day of living in Europe.

Well I didn't sleep too well last night but I got about 2 hours of sleep so I guess I shouldn't complain:-) I'm going home in a week and it'll actually be nice. I'm at the point where cabin fever has gotten the best of me...the weather has been horrible here. I want to jump out of my skin at this point. All these sleepless nights make for obviously very long days and I'm hoping that once I'm home, I'll have some normality. I've also been applying for jobs like crazy. Even if I do get my job back at Mr. Mike's, I definitely want to get a second job. I'm in so much debt and it'd be really nice if I could pay my parent's back sooner than later. I know that they said that they couldn't care less, they're just happy that I got to do this experience but I still feel bad because studying abroad is expensive! I bet they've paid nearly $5000 for me to do this. So I'm hoping that Mr. Mike's can be my main job and then I can work at CVS or Shaw's for my second job and the money from my second job can pay my monthly bills (cell phone, car, etc) and the money I get from MM will go directly to my parents. I hate owing money, it really blows. I feel horrible just taking it:-/

I can't believe that I'm going home in a week and a half. That's so crazy- I don't even know what to do with myself at this point. I don't have any more homework (just studying for finals) and it's kind of boring not working. Plus, the weather hasn't been good at all this week, it's wicked cold here...it's more like March than June. I will be happy to go home but I'm also not happy at the same time, does that make sense? And I'm nervous to see my friends again, which is stupid...I shouldn't be nervous but I'm starting to get butterflies!!

Today is the perfect day- it's all cool and rainy and windy out. Perfect for just sitting inside the house and doing nothing. I like lazy days. I'm content in just drinking tea and watching youtube all day. It's a nice change from the norm. I really don't have anything to write so I'll just take a survey because I'm a geek!

LAST PERSON WHO

1. Slept in your bed besides you? Zachary.

2. Saw you cry: Probably Zak.

3. Went to the movies with you? Zak...in October ha.

4. You went to the mall with? Alice.

5. You went to dinner with? Veronika and family.

6. You talked on the phone? I skyped with my mom.

7. Said 'I love you' to you and really meant it? My mom.

8. Broke your heart? Amelia.

9. Made you laugh? Probably my mom.

WOULD YOU RATHER?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue? My nose is pierced...tongue piercings are gross.

2. Be serious or be funny? A mix of both.

3. Drink whole or skim milk? Whole.

4. Die in a fire or drown? Neither, thanks.

5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? Parents. Obviously.

ARE YOU..

1. Simple or complicated? Pretty simple.

2. Gay? I'm bi I guess.

3. Hardcore? Not at all.

DO YOU PREFER. .

1. Flowers or candy? Candy!

2. Gray or black? Black.

3. Color or Black and white photos? Color.

4. Lust or love? Love.

5. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset.

6. M&Ms or Skittles? M&Ms.

8. Staying up late or waking up early? Staying up late

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY !!

1. Do you like anyone? Yes I do.

2. Do they know it? I'm sure they're aware.

DO YOU PREFER...

1. Sun or moon? Sun.

2. Winter or Fall? Fall.

3. Left or right? Left.

4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? Two best friends...although I'm lucky enough to have a group of really close friends.

5. Sun or rain? Depends on my mood.

6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Chocolate.

7. Vodka or Jack? Vodka.

ABOUT YOU!

1. What time is it? 2:35PM.

2. Name? Catherine.

3. Nickname(s): Kay.

5. What is your birthdate? March 3, 1989.

6. What do you want? To be with my Schatz.

7. Where do you want to live? Cambridge. I better be rich...

8. How many kids do you want? Two.

9. What would you want to name a girl? Fiona Neko.

10. What would you want to name a boy? Mikhail Sasha.

11. You want to get married? Eventually.

UNIQUE!

1. Nervous Habits: I chew on my hair or jewelry.

2. Are you double jointed? No.

3. Can you roll your tongue? Yes.

4. Can you raise one eyebrow? No.

5. Can you cross your eyes? Yes.

6. Do you make your bed daily? Usually.

8. Which shoe goes on first? Left.

9. Ever thrown one at someone? A shoe? No.

10. On the average, how much money do you carry with you? I try to keep $20 on me.

11. What jewelry do you wear? My nose ring, the necklace Zak gave me, my industrial, my tragus ring, usually 6 earrings in my ears.

OTHER

1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl.

2. Have you ever eaten Spam? No.

3. Favorite ice cream: Dinosaur Crunch.

4. How many kinds cereal are in your cabinet? Two,

5. What's your favorite beverage? Chai tea,

7. Do you cook? Yes.

IN THE LAST MONTH, HAVE YOU? (YES OR NO)

1. Had a b/f or g/f? Long Distance Relationship, baby! Almost not one though!

2. Bought something you didn't need: I'm sure.

4. Sang in front of people: Yes, not officially but I sang with Fiona the other day.

5. Been kissed: Sadly no:-( I haven't been kissed since February.

6. Been hugged: Yes.

7. Felt stupid: Yes.

8. Missed someone: Yes.

9. Got drunk: Yes.

10. Got high: No.

11. Danced Crazy: I'm sure.

12. Gotten your hair cut: No.

13. Cried: Sure.

Sometimes I hate myself. I hate who I'm becoming and all of my irrational thinking. I hate sweating and panic attacking. I hate worrying about stuff I shouldn't worry about. That being said, I had a marvelous time with the Fuchs family today. They are even nicer than I remember and I'm so happy that I've been in touch with Tanja. I know that other kids who did the ConVal-Salzburg exchange don't even talk to "their" Austrians anymore. I'm so lucky and thankful that Tanja is amazing and her family is also. We didn't speak in ANY ENGLISH this time! It was great! I could actually understand what they were saying this time. We had a huuuuuge lunch (Austrians love to eat) and we actually had turkey! That's the first time I've had turkey while being over here. It's a stupid thing to miss but I totally do. Then we had ice cream and cake. I even got to play Fiona's (Tanja's little sister) cello! I'm such a geek but you have no idea how excited I was. I've never really played on before and they are my favorite instrument ever. I obviously couldn't play anything but I got some good noises out of it (ie, not all scratchy). I'm no Yo-Yo Ma though.

Then we went and visited Fiona's horse THAT SHE WON FROM A CARNIVAL. I'm allergic to horses. Obviously not deathly allergic but I'm had my fair share of sneezing for the afternoon. I'm also covered in hives at the moment but you know what, it's okay. It was worth it because Ebelle (the horse) is super sweet and adorable.

I started to freak out because it started to thunderstorm here...but I didn't have a panic attack. I was close but I just used my techniques and crossed my fingers that they would work. Thankfully they did.

So I worry over absolutely nothing. All the time. I didn't sleep at all last night and I'm so tired right now. I hope I'll sleep tonight.

This is ridiculous- I can't sleep AGAIN and I know that it's completely my fault. I get so anxious about stuff that my brain doesn't shut off and that I just can't sleep. I'm visiting Tanja and her family tomorrow (technically today for me). Tanja was my host last time I was in Austria. Her family is super sweet and my German is much better than last time so why am I nervous? I have no effing idea. It's been four years since I've seen them. Normal people get excited. I AM excited to see them and actually be able to converse with them (they don't speak English and last time I was here, my German was rocky- at best). However, for some reason or another, I'm nervous. What's the worse that can happen? Nothing. It's illogical and my anxiety is getting worse. I'm definitely joining a group when I get back. There's a SADA (Social anxiety disorders anonymous) in Bedford. I'm scared to check that out too but at the rate I'm going, I won't even want to leave my house. I'm also at the point where I'm so excited to go home and see all my friends! But for some reason, I can't get past the thought, "what if they don't like me anymore?" I realize how dumb I sound...I'm just scared.

Wow, I feel like I haven't been able to write in forever. It seriously has been super busy here lately. Ben and Melanie (my brother and his wife) just got done visiting and it was amazing to see them! I wish they could have stayed longer...I'm going home in about 3 and a half weeks. That's so crazy. It is going by wicked fast but I'm happy that I'm almost back home. I'm getting sick of school! I always do at this point so it's not even being in Austria, it's just the whole learning thing:-p

I'm also running out of dinero too, which is too be expected. Ben and Melanie are not good for my wallet at all. Thankfully (or not so thankfully) no one else is visiting me so I can at least track my money better.

I know this is really short but I just wanted to do a quick update...even though I don't have too much to say.

Well I lived to tell the tale of the Austrian retirement party. It wasn't as bad as I had expected. I mean, I still panicked and I did have a panic attack but once I calmed myself down, it was okay. Social anxiety sucks because it makes you look like a huge loser. I did have to leave the party for about an hour because it was overwhelming but I went back. That is huge for me because normally, I would have just left and not gone back. I even danced! There was a live band there that covered a bunch of different songs and it was actually fun (gasp! I know!). I think it helped because no one else at the party could dance either.

It's crazy because even though I know the sun doesn't revolve around me, I always feel that in certain situations, everyone is judging me and criticizing me. I just hope that I continue to get better.

On a happier note, Zak and I have been dating for 7 months as of today! That's an accomplishment for me.

I'm really really nervous for no apparent reason. There's going to be over 200 people at the house in half an hour. We're celebrating Opa's retirement party and I'm being selfish and just thinking about me. I am so scared to be around that many people. I'm doped up on anti-anxiety pills though so I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. The good thing is that it is at home so if I need to get away, I have my room and if I feel like I'm going to panic, it's not a big deal because I can run away. I just need to find my rubber band that I wear on my wrist to calm me down (stupid little trick)

Ugh, I'm going to be sick. But I'm not, I won't let this stupid anxiety ruin my life!

I cannot wait- Ben and Melanie are coming in a week from today! I am so pumped AND now they're married! They got married in Gibraltar last Tuesday. It's crazy- I never thought that Ben would ever get married. But he loves Melanie more than anything so I'm happy for them.

I'm also only in Austria for another five weeks. It's gone by fast. Tomorrow is Opa's retirement party, there's going to be over 200 people at the house so it should be interesting. We've been waiting for this day ever since I arrived here and I can't believe that it's finally here. I can't believe that we're so close to June. 2010 is flying by.